I love the podcast by Simon Sinek called “ A Bit Of Optimism”. He has a way to talk with interesting people of all walks of life and bring out life lessons that stick with you. Being the hockey nerd I am, I often try to distill some lessons for field hockey coaches from these talks. For example this one with a former Navy Seal Commander about the quiet power of the empathetic leader.
In the final weeks of 2025 Sinek spoke with Fredrik Backman with a key life lesson I thought was more than worth sharing:
What if friendships or relationships or connections are not so much a matter of luck, but rather built through effort?
Bestselling novelist Fredrik Backman, the mind behind "A Man Called Ove" (adapted into the Tom Hanks film "A Man Called Otto"), "Anxious People", and the Beartown series, has spent his career writing about the quiet power of ordinary people. But in his real life, he learned one of his most important lessons from his best friend of 30 years: meaningful friendship is a skill you develop, not a lottery you win.
Backman is a Swede, so he’d probably think of skates and pucks when hockey is mentioned. We’ll forgive him this lack of knowledge about the real game of hockey, because his life lessons are perfectly adaptable to our field hockey team and daily coaching activities.
If you have an hour to spare for some deep listening, the video below comes highly recommend :
If you have some (extra) 15 minutes to spare, read on because below are 3 life lessons by Backman translated to our world of field hockey.
3 coachable lessons for stronger field hockey connections
Invest intentionally: small inner circle over broad ties: Backman argues meaningful relationships aren’t luck; they’re built through repeated, intentional “showing up,” even when inconvenient. Prioritize a core group (captains, senior players, key staff) you can count on in tough moments and celebrate with in good ones—without envy. Create recurring touchpoints: weekly captain huddles, post‑match debriefs, and short one‑to‑ones. The goal is consistent presence, not occasional big gestures. Backman even states clearly he would prefer quantity over quality time…
Use “friends as editors”: slow down reactions, then communicate: He describes venting privately and letting trusted people help “edit” initial feelings into constructive messages. Apply this with your leadership group: before you address the team after a heated match, do a quick captain‑coach “edit” of your message. Build a culture where leaders help each other turn raw emotion into clarity, so public communication is measured and fair.
Set rules for conflict and celebrate differences: Backman highlights agreeing on boundaries for fighting and recognizing that being different makes relationships stronger. With your squad, codify simple conflict rules (no threats, no personal attacks; address issues fast, face‑to‑face) and teach players to value contrasting styles—your calm distributor and your fiery pressing forward both matter. Pair “different” players for reflective sessions (video review, role explanation) so they learn to see and strive for each other’s best qualities.
These are all “work on you” practices: consistent time, edited communication, and clear norms that make the relationships that matter resilient across a long season.
So when I combine these life lessons with some of the hockey lessons from our masterclasses and workshops at The Hockey Site, we get this…
